Caligula Contemporary

I fell in love today. I am aflutter with waterfront wonder.

The Partner came out at lunchtime to join my mother, myself and The Boss for a showing of a house that had looked appealing in its online listings. It was every bit as unique and remarkable in real life, I'm happy to report, albeit a bit more...spackled. And somewhat moldier. And shifty.

But don't let my realistic portrayal of this home's flaws give you the wrong impression. I'm seriously in love. Attracted as I am to grandiose imperfections, this place is nirvana. I feel like I did the day I first met The Partner in real life after having made his acquaintance via a random, fateful search of AOL user profiles.

For those wondering about the style of the home, I will tell you that I have coined it Caligula Contemporary. Built in the year of my birth, it's an homage to an expansive, party-loving lifestyle. There's a dock leading into a small pond where the owners of adjacent properties shine spotlights while neighbors ice skate (now) or swim (summer, glorious summer). There's a bar on the dock. There's a bar on the first floor of the house. There's a bar in the basement. There's a lot of pink tile and gusseted vinyl. There are huge windows and sliding glass doors opening to a three story deck overlooking the pond. There are rooms of unique shape and layout. I could go on and on, but I am a paranoid, jealous lover, and I do not want any competition.

We* are going to put in a lowball offer on account of the fact that it needs roughly $100k worth of renovations, and that's if nothing really major is wrong. We'll make the offer contingent upon a two week investigation of the property, which will involve an in-depth home inspection and consultation with a contractor.

I don't know if they'll take a low-ball offer. I don't know how lucky we'll be if they do. But I do know that while we were driving home after the showing, I drifted deeply into thought. I didn't notice our buyer's agent look over at me, but I heard the smile in her voice. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.

I gave her a sideways, sheepish look. I was busted. So I admitted it with a sigh.

"I was designing the party invitations in my head."


*I mean, after "we" discuss it this evening.