Tuesday, August 08, 2006

What Your Mother Never Told You

The Boss has a hidden agenda she's not very adept at concealing. It manifested itself for the first time this weekend when The Partner and I took her out for brunch at an eatery in town. I was chowing down on an Egg Beater omelette when I noticed The Boss go rigid in her high chair. She bore down with a look of absolute concentration on her face. The Partner and I assumed it was gas, but we assumed wrong. Below the table, her thighs were flexing and releasing in an exploratory dance as she harnassed the power of kegel muscles she didn't know she had. She was pleased with the discovery.

If she was making noise, that would've been one thing, but since she was silent in her occupation, The Partner and I saw no reason to interrupt her. The single-mindedness of her pursuit harkened back to her days as a newborn, when her mouth was like a birdy's beak in search of the worm every time the flap of my nursing bra came down. She had always been a determined girl. The Partner and I enjoyed a leisurely meal and probably could've stayed for several slow Bloody Mary's, so preoccupied was our dining companion at the head of the table.

I'm pretty sure this is a normal developmental milestone, but I don't know that the kind of keywords I would have to type into Google in order to confirm it would produce the search results I'm looking for. Instead, I'll ask all my friends with kids, who, though probably not as quick to bring up such things as I am, will not hesitate to share their stories once prodded. And I'll talk about it on this here humble little parenting blog, where I'm part of a community filled with so many others who aren't afraid to tell it like it is, either.

In this line of work, there's no such thing as "none of your business."

Feel free to contribute any anecdotes about your own child's self-discovery to the 24/7 company newsletter on the comment form below. No submissions will be kept confidential.

Edited to add: In my effort to talk about an indiscreet subject in a discreet way, I think I erred on the side of ambiguity. Let me rectify that now. I'm talking about masturbation, people.

Edited again to add: Would you believe there are those who take their children to the doctor's office for such things?


jenifer said...

The first time my daughter realized she could "fart" she spent the next 30-40 minutes going purple in the face trying to do it again.

Also, now she is much more advanced since she has quite a large vocabulary at her disposal. She will be 2 on Friday and has no problems telling me "I poopied in my pants" when she gets up from her nap and she will even use sound effects and tell me weather it is a marble or peanut butter in consistency.

Wait it is just beginning..... the joys of self-discovery.

Mother said...

My daughter just tells me to go away. And then I have to fight her to change it.

Ah the joys of parenting.

Her Bad Mother said...

Ah, self-discovery, discovery of the body. We're not there yet, or rather, not *interestingly* there yet. Except for maybe the discovery of poo being fun to touch. That's interesting. Ish.

Karen said...

Alright. Was she pooping? Or was she doing something else?

Mother said...

ha. I thought I missed it.

I'm feeling entirely unintelligent now.

Um. okay. try this.

"be nice to your vagina"

I said it at least 4x a day for a good 3 weeks.


Jenifer said...

I'm impressed, can't say the daughter has discovered that one yet...maybe that's why I didn't catch on. Anyways.....more to look forward to.

Karen said...

Yeah. I thought so. You just have to let it be, until they are old enough to understand the concept of "private" and "privacy."

That made various members of our family and friends pretty uncomfortable when she would drop and go at it, all at the ripe old age of two. But what are you going to do? There's a lot on the internet about this, acutally. Try the dreaded BabyCenter, if you must - what I found there was actually quite comforting.

Andrea said...

My son definitely knows where to find his pipper but he hasn't, um, explored any more than to notice it. But I think girls discover that earlier than boys since squirming elicits results boys can't get unless they use their hands.

I don't doubt though that I'm just biding my time.

Amy said...

Little man stuck his pee-nie (bell's word for it, not mine) into the end of the vacuum cleaner, the round tube part that gets into the corners. The vacuum was off. Then he laughed, I think at the fact that you could not see it when it was in the hole. He also says "mom, look, LOOK!" when it's hard. He is two. His fascination with his penis matches that of his father's. It is quite clear that they are doing it at age 4. Bell rubs herself while trying to go to sleep, can't blame her, so do I.

lildb said...

it's the thing I've worried about since pregnancy; I just don't want to adopt the wrong tone, when he's impressionable, and it could set the stage for permanent issues.

ugh. I'm a mother. guess I gotta deal.

p.s. I'm glad you've mentioned it, b/c it's something I've longed to discuss with the peeps, had sort of forgotten about (thanks to the non-sleep-brain-damage thing).