Thursday, March 29, 2007

Welcome To Our Open House

What is wrong with this picture? (Besides the fact that I have no photography skills whatsoever?)

Did you get it? Did you?
If not, here's a bit more of the scene:

No, it was not a freak of nature that caused this. No blustery wind, no driving rain. It was The Boss, the dog and I on the way to the park. Well, actually, it had nothing to do with The Boss, except that she was there and could quite possibly have been killed if the porch ceiling wasn't so capable of remaining suspended practically by its lonesome.
I was walking out the front door, helping The Boss down the steps with one hand and holding Roxie's leash in the other. That's when our pit bull saw the cat in the neighbor's yard and bolted toward it. I lurched forward, struggling to hold on as Roxie put all of her 50 pounds, plus the strength of momentum, into the chase. That's when I did the stupid thing for which The Parnter is currently not speaking to me. I grabbed ahold of one of the porch's rickety supports to steady myself.
It broke loose at top and bottom and I went flying forward as expletives and hysterical screams similarly richocheted out of my mouth. I screamed so loud and for so long that my neighbor came out to see what was wrong. I'm sure she expected to see blood and carnage everywhere. That's what one always expects to see when the magnitude of my hysteria is unleashed. It's a good thing I was completely unconscious when The Boss was born, or there would likely have been a scene.
I know now that it was stupid to grab onto something so unstable. But combine my own mental instability with faulty architecture, and that's what we get. The Partner married into this knowing full well what he was getting. I hide behind that mantra often, wearing it like a shield when my inability to act under pressure wreaks havoc. He should never be surprised and he certainly should not get mad. He should be happy that The Boss, the dog and the cat are still alive.
Okay, maybe not the neighbor's cat. I'm sure that would be a casualty he woudn't mind hearing reported.


Mary-LUE said...

Omigosh! I'm sure I would have done the same thing. You really are fortunate that no one was hurt. (Will it hurt your feelings if I chuckle over the vision of all this in my mind?)

Chris said...

Sigh. I'm not mad at you. Just that you have a knack for destroying things two days before an open house. This is going to end up generating a lot of work and disruption in my already overloaded life.
All I know is you better not ask me to change any diapers.

jen said...

he should definitely be happy that everyone is still alive.


i love the blue.

whoops. looks like someone has diaper duty.

jordan said...

Sounds like something I would do. Glad to hear the three of you are ok.

Lawyer Mama said...

Holy missing support, Batman! Wow, glad no one was hurt.

I am about to post my answers to your interview. Thanks, it was fun!

slouching mom said...

OK, so how clueless am I that I saw nothing wrong in the first photo? Man, sometimes I need to be smacked upside the head to get it. Sheesh.

Glad you're OK. Someday it'll be funny, even to your husband...

Jerri said...

I could have looked at that for hours and never figured it out. Good thing you guys are safe.

Redneck Mommy said...

I have eyes like a hawk and picked up on it like that. But that is because I'm a home wrecker myself.

(Not the bad kind...just the house-falling apart type.)

Change a few diapers and give the hubs a rub down when he crawls into bed.

He'll get over it.

Good to know you and the kid and the dog and the cat are safe.

Kitty carnage is never cool. I speak of first hand experience.

Lauren said...

Haha, I know how hard Roxie can pull.

And Chris, one day I hope you have to wear diapers... you know Binky will appreciate the karma. :)

Chris said...


Him: (grumbling under his breath) "Stupid dog, stupid house, stupid cat, stupid post, stupid concrete mix."

Her: "Are you done yet? You know how I get when I haven't eaten dinner."

Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh no! That's some serious damage. Bad kitty. (no, I will not blame the dog. I just can't do it.)

Ruth Dynamite said...

Seeing as you're OK and all, this is really quite funny. You'll be talking about this for years.