Friday, April 06, 2007

Get The Straight Poop Here

The Diaper Fairy has been dropping by our house monthly since The Boss was born. Our magical nymph takes the form of my lithe, spry and French-accented mother-in-law. She comes, she dotes all day, and she leaves in a flurry of triple kisses, a trail of bulk-packaged diapers in her wake.

It never occurred to me to question the diapers we never had to pay for. So, when The Boss woke each morning, covered from head to toe in thick smelling urine courtesy of fleece pajamas with an uncanny synthetic ability to wick moisture from the middle to all points north and south, I tried to grin and bear it. Or grin and swear it, under my breath.

Imagine my pleasure when a separate fairy descended on our front porch in the guise of the FedEx man. I tore open the box to reveal a package of Huggies Overnights. The plastic wrapped around the thick size 4s promised "unbeatable leakage protection." I rushed them upstairs to the place of honor under The Boss's changing table before coming back down to pour a tall sippy cup of water for the unsuspecting test subject. That night, she went to bed with her thirst quenched and her tush tightly wrapped in extra absorbency.

She woke the next morning, dry. As it was the weekend, I took her back to our bed and plopped her next to The Partner's head. She was butt level with his nose. "Ugh," he said to The Boss. "Who's in town? Urine town."

He could be witty, that man of mine, even when not quite awake. "Yeah, she still smells, but at least it's coming from inside her diaper this time. No leaks. The Overnights worked."

"That's good." He patted the outward dryness of her rump and then rolled over.

I've been using those diapers for the two weeks since, and only once was the volume of her dentally-induced diarrhea (what the connection is between teething and pooping, I don't know, but it exists) too much for the diaper to contain. Since no man-made product in existence could've held that mess at bay, my belief in the effectiveness of these diapers remains unwavering.

Does this mean I am going to go out and purchase them myself? Um, no. But lucky for us, our Diaper Fairy takes special orders. You can bet I'll be placing mine forthwith.

"Oh la la, my poor bebe! Why didn't you tell me zees before? All those nights of wetness! Ze chafing! Ze rash!" I can hear her now, amidst the slamming of her car door and the roar of the engine as she high tails it to Costco to buy Huggies Overnights in bulk.


slouching mom said...

This cracks me up. Especially the last paragraph with your charming and svelte (because aren't all French women?) MIL zipping to Costco!

However, the only diapers I'll be buying from this point forward are Depends. Hopefully not too soon.

Lauren said...

Haha, that's great. You can't possibly be talking about that sweet little girl of yours. She can't possibly smell bad, ever. Right? Tell me I'm right.

toyfoto said...

I'll never understand why men don't get as jazzed over this stuff as women. They, afterall, invented bathroom humor.

Of course you, my dear, may have perfected it!

Lawyer Mama said...

I love my Huggies. Um, I mean my sons' Huggies, of course.

Love the accent!

mothergoosemouse said...

Il faut que je trouve une "diaper fairy" aussi!

C'est tres bien - Mlle. Boss a bien aimee les "Overnites" (et tu et le "partner" aussi). Merci pour la revue fantastique!

Sarah said...

That last line was great! I can just hear her in all her petite frechness saying that! LOL

Chris said...

Lauren, sounds like you just volunteered for diaper-duty the next time we hang out.

Wendy said...

I never had a diaper fairy. I did, however, have the buy ever frilly dancy in town fairy. It was nice as long as it lasted.

All hail the diaper fairy.

Kelly said...

Oh yes! We had the same problem with my toddler boy, and the same wondrous solution. How we love those Overnight's!

I envy you your Fairy. Damn but my boys butts are costly to maintain!