There's something refreshing about the way leaking bodily fluids can ground a situation in reality. I realized that first thing this morning, when blood lurching down my leg necessitated a pant change, and then again when my son's explosive poop transferred some of itself to my chest and forced me into a new shirt. I was off and running from the very start of the day, and I was glad about it. I would've remained in the surreal without those diversions. I would've been free to get mopey and maudlin and to cry all day. I do not like the hormonal haze. Apparently I prefer poop.
When The Boss was born I was surprised by the baby blues. I had heard about them, but like everything else related to actually raising a child as opposed to gestating one, I ignored the warnings and advice. Then an emergency c-section under general anaesthesia exacerbated an already compromised mental situation and I was a blubbering mess for three weeks and not-quite-myself for three months. This time around, I've been counting on the fact that many women do not get those blues as badly with subsequent children as they did with the first.
So far, the feeling is more muted than it was the first time around. It's also easier to keep it at bay when faced with the demands of raising two children. But it's there. It's the idea that life is so damn short and there's nothing that can be done about it. It's uncertainty when you'd think a little confidence would be more evolutionarily beneficial. But it's fleeting and I know that now. Emotions will be replaced to a large degree by the physical pace of keeping up with my babies. Pre-school and diapers. Swing sets and burp cloths. Six weeks of extra absorbent sanitary pads.
There will be blood. (And poop)
Thursday, April 24, 2008
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10 comments:
It's the idea that life is so damn short and there's nothing that can be done about it.
That's not the baby blues, that's growing up. Either that, or I've had the baby blues for the past decade.
But hey, like you said, nothing like the distraction of the little ones to keep us from becoming suicidal from excess introspection, eh?
I have missed your profound reflections. Your writing is really as miraculous as what you are writing about.
my god.
can I just foam at the mouth for a moment without anyone thinking too much of it, for want of anything really consequential to say in regard to what you manage with your words?
I know that feeling. I seem to get it while I'm still gestating though, then the fog afterward I just sort of wallow in the yellow showers (with my son) and poopies-shot-up-the-back blowouts (both of my first two).
I hope that your blues is short-lived so that you can find even more joy in your son.
I heart you, and your vajay. Tell Chris that.
And pee. Don't forget the pee. After all, you've got a boy now.
xo
There will be blood and poop and infinite wonder that makes life, even as short as it is, seem longer for the richness of the experiences.
Congratulations on your baby. And here's to hoping the blues go away with the pads.
Yes, having more than one focuses you on the day-to-day, the reality, in such a way that I find it hard to wallow in anything too much anymore. This was driven home yesterday when I was explaining their aunt's cancer to them---they looked serious for a moment and then asked, "Can we go play outside?". Live in the moment---that is the message I get from them.
Congratulations! And Welcome back! I keep popping back by to see if you're posting! So exciting! The second one is a whole NEW journey - you will love it just as much but DIFFERENT!
Crazy thing motherhood!
Congratulations and go easy on yourself. Some parts are easier and some are harder... but it just keeps getting better. I could not cut myself any slack those first couple of weeks. Though I really wanted to, I just thought, "I've been through this before, snap out of it". It sounds like you're already way smarter than me.
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