Wednesday, April 23, 2008

It's a Boy

Topher's minutes-old fingers were scaly-white and wizened. As I held him for the first time, I marveled at the similarity between those hands and the wrinkled ones of my grandparents, of my great aunts and uncles. I touched the creases. He was my little old man in a hospital room that buzzed with being born.

Two days later, on the morning of our departure, I held my son in my lap while The Partner showered in the bathroom. I had given birth on the very same bed, in the very same room, but now it seemed a different place in the sun and the silence. I saw the brightness of Topher's finger flakes and thought again about how old his new parts shone.

I cried then, not just with a hormonal surge, but with the pressure of an entire lifetime laid out on a tiny pair of hands. I sobbed so loud and long that The Partner heard me from behind the heavy institutional door. He emerged from the bathroom to ask what I was crying about.
"Nothing," I said. "Nothing."

Christopher Cadden, I love you so much, and forever. Because of you, I count ten fingers and ten toes, and while I do it I say a desperate prayer. I try to grasp with my own hands the texture of your future, laid out in deep bisects and powdery whorls.
As I cry I am doing it all at once in wet wishing for your long life.
I am begging for you a collection of years strung together in personalized perfection between the first wrinkles and the last.

24 comments:

Mrs. Chicken said...

Oh, Binky. So glad to be the very first to say much, much love and congratulations to you. Thinking of you often in your absence and hoping to see you here soon.


xoxoxo
Amy

slouching mom said...

Oh, oh, oh! Congratulations, and welcome to the world, Christopher!

He is absolutely beautiful.

Jen said...

What a beautiful post! And congratulations!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Congratulations!!!

He's a beauty.

Whirlwind said...

Binky - He's beautiful! I was wondering how you were doing!

Congratulations!

Karen said...

Just beautiful, Binky - both the baby and the sentiment. Good to see you both here safe. We've missed you.

(And Topher is the perfect match for The Boss' name...)

toyfoto said...

I am so delighted. Welcome Baby Topher. You are a lucky boy.

Lauren said...

OH MY GOD!

Heather said...

Oh isn't he just splendid?!? Congrats!

iheartchocolate said...

beautifully written and beautiful baby! Congratulations.

Boz said...

Congratulations! Time to start working on #3, eh?

Binkytown said...

I've missed you! All of you! Congratulations and welcome beautiful boy!

Motherhood Uncensored said...

What a sweet sweet sweet boy.

Kisses to him, his mommy, and the boss.

jen said...

babe, there you are. and there he is.

there he is.

well done, sister. well done.

lildb said...

He's just SO beautiful, and your ability to convey those wracked emotions delivered through the experience of delivery - *smacks forehead* -- how do you do it?

How do you magic in the magic?

You're like a magic-ician.

I'm so happy for you and your family. Congratulations, darling.

Tuesday Girl said...

beautiful. From one mother of a new boy to another: Congratulations.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Oh that picture is adorable! Congratulations to you and your family! Wonderful, wonderful news.

amanda said...

first time visitor but just had to say congrats!!

your words ring so very true :)

such a sweet, sweet little boy!!

Ruth Dynamite said...

Congratulations, Binky. He's beautiful.

Donna said...

Congratulations to you and your family!!!

Kate said...

Welcome, and congratulations, Topher! You chose well.

Chabelamarie said...

Welcome back! I missed you! What a beautiful post and even more beautiful baby boy! A perfect blank canvas with lots of greatness to be painted on!

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privacy window tint said...

Thank you once again for your love and willingness to share your feelings.